Remember To Breathe

There is no real structure to this log, just my thoughts on a class of drugs.

I used to be addicted to a gamut of Opiates. Oxy's, Morphine Analoges, hell even some "Non-Narcotic" Solutions like Tramadol and ultram found their way into my stomach (Or nose), though the main cause of my drowsy year's was Hydrocodone. I first found out about the plendid effects of these drugs after forgoing my painkillers after getting my wisdom teeth removed. Fifteen Watson tabs, 10/100. They sat in my drawer next to my antibiotics. Now I was no big proponant of taking pharms at the time, as pot was my only drug of choice, and I had origenally planned to keep it that way.

After speaking to a few classmates about my oral surgury, I had said that I hadn't taken these pills, which at the time I tohught to be just high strength tylenol. Immidately I was bombarded with every offer a druggie could throw at me. I was perplexed at the sheer demand of them, as well as the lengths they would go to get them. I had been offered 20 dollars for just one pill, another offered to buy me lunch for a week. I declined all of these offers until I got a chance to see what exactly all the fuss was about. I arrived at my doorstep, entred my room and cracked the bottle top.

The first time I smoke pot was with my brother. I had been dealing with relationship runarounds and the gauntlet that was schoolwork. I was stressed, crying in the passenger seat of my brothers car. At the time I was an outspoken straight edged faggot, Rightious about my opinions on drugs and their users. Even lost a good friend at the time for the fact that he had smoked pot. My brother knew of my disposition, but offered me a smoke session at his apartment. "I've been as fucked up about thsses problems just like you. I know you're completely against it, but goddamn it Max, you could really use some fucking Weed." I agreed to attempt smoking once with him, as he was the most trusted figure in my life.I had been around pot smokers all my life, so unlike most novice Marijuana Men, I knew how to hit the fucking pipe. I took long draws deep into mmy lungs, exhaling plumes of thick, milky consiousness expansion. The bowl was finished, and I felt nothing. I remember thinking that this was bullshit, that either this stuff didn't work for me, or everyone who smokes it is getting some sort of placibo effect. My brother handed me a controller to play Call of Duty Black Ops (He has terible taste). At some point I remember feeling...Way different. I felt if my body was a iron pole, and my sence of self was swinging around me like a teatherball. I was blitzed.

Taking these pills had me oing through the same thoughts and feelings as the first time I used Marijuana. Doesn't work, These suck, I feel sick. Why. Did. I. Take. These...Until one hour later I feel a warm wave of comfort surround me. Lightheaded, almost weightless. A smile had plastered itself onto my face, couldn't get it off. I wondered how I even when about my day without knowing that these pills in my drawer would have such wonderful effects! Best of all I had more than a weeks worth of this feeling in the bottle!

Now of course I would run out, no real problem, it was fun while it lasted. And hey, it was pretty much free! Well come next week I find myself thinking about it throughout the day. The idea to get more didn't manifest itself until I spotted a classmate that had a reputation in seeling these to people, which unfortunately was the case. Stole some weed out of my parents stash and traded it for 4 pills of 7.5/750 Hydros.I was only going to do it once, it wasn't too much, nobody gets mad, and I get high! No problems! None at all. But it didn't just stop. It continued on like this, Week after week pinching weed off of my parents to fuel a flame that would engulf me.

It's hard to transcribe the slow degridation of my moral compass at the time. Most of the time I was either sleeping or in some sort of drug fuled blur. I didn't care for my schoolwork, nor my friends. I became more emotional, and lashed out at pointless things experienceing a form of withdrawl when I didn't have sny to take. I felt as if I was empty, and nobody gave a fuck whether or not I killed myself the next day. I found myself contimplating things that had no bearing on myself, but took the concepts onas if they were my problems.The safty of humanity, Our place in the universe, and peoples impact on the world. These thoughts on other drugs might result with new found knowlege about myself or the world, but in the scope of withdrawl, a bitter and cold reality was all I found at the end of these questions.

It was only until I had no more spending cash and nowhere to get it. It was all over. Felt empty for a long time. I could go for one right now infact. Just don't know where to get them.

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